Ah, adulthood. That mythical realm we couldn’t wait to enter as teenagers, convinced it was a magical land filled with freedom, late bedtimes, and as many cookies as we could cram into our mouths without a parent glaring over the rims of their glasses. Fast forward a couple of decades, and here we are: realizing adulthood is less "freedom and cookies" and more "existential dread and back pain."
So, what does it mean to be an adult today? Buckle up, because we're about to take a snark-laden safari through the modern wilderness of “maturity.” Spoiler alert: it involves debt, disappointment, and debating whether avocado toast counts as dinner.
1. Financial Independence (or, The Art of Creative Budgeting)
Once upon a time, becoming an adult meant achieving financial independence. Today, it means juggling three side hustles, a full-time job, and still wondering if you can afford both rent and emotional stability this month.
Budgeting apps? Check. Meal-prepping to save money? Double check. Crying into a $7 oat milk latte because you just wanted to feel something? Triple check.
Remember when our parents bought houses in their 20s? Yeah, that was adorable. Nowadays, owning property feels as attainable as adopting a baby unicorn. But hey, at least we can afford subscriptions to six different streaming platforms to distract us from our financial woes.
2. Emotional Maturity: Now With 20% More Anxiety!
Emotional maturity used to mean having control over your feelings. Today, it means being able to identify all 37 shades of anxiety while still showing up to work like nothing's wrong.
Sure, we talk about mental health more openly now—which is great! But the bar for emotional maturity is basically: "Do you occasionally acknowledge your feelings before shoving them into a metaphorical box labeled 'Deal With Later'?" If yes, congrats, you're an adult.
3. Relationships: Swiping Right into Oblivion
Ah, love. In the olden days (read: the 90s), people met through friends, at parties, or in the produce aisle, reaching for the same aesthetically pleasing avocado. Now? We meet on apps designed to make us question our self-worth one swipe at a time.
Modern dating is like shopping on Amazon. You scroll, you compare, you read reviews (aka stalking their Instagram), and then you either commit or ghost. Bonus points if you accidentally match with your ex's cousin. Ah, romance.
4. Career Aspirations: The Dream Job Mirage
Remember being told to "follow your dreams"? Cute. Adulthood today is more like "follow your dreams, but also follow the health insurance package and 401(k) options."
We grew up thinking we’d be astronauts, artists, or at least someone who didn’t answer emails for a living. Instead, most of us are professional PowerPoint enthusiasts or Excel spreadsheet warriors, perfecting the art of nodding thoughtfully in Zoom meetings while Googling "how to seem engaged on video calls."
5. Health: From Invincible to Inevitable Doctor Visits
As kids, getting sick meant staying home from school, watching cartoons, and having someone bring you soup. Now, getting sick means using your PTO wisely and Googling symptoms because “wow, healthcare is expensive.”
Also, shoutout to metabolism: once our trusty sidekick, now a distant memory. Adulthood is realizing that eating an entire pizza at 10 PM has consequences—and those consequences involve heartburn, regret, and existential pondering.
6. Friendships: Scheduling Fun Is an Olympic Sport
Remember spontaneous hangouts? Yeah, me neither. Being an adult means meticulously planning brunch two months in advance because everyone has “commitments.” By the time you all find a date that works, it’s 2027.
Conversations now revolve around mortgages, health insurance, and whether you should start a garden. Group chats are alive with memes but dead silent when someone suggests an actual get-together. Ah, connection in the digital age.
7. The Existential Crisis Starter Pack
No adult experience is complete without the occasional existential crisis. It sneaks up on you, often triggered by random things: a nostalgic song, a slightly too-quiet Sunday morning, or realizing you’re the same age as your favorite childhood TV character’s “old” parent.
You sit there, staring into the void, wondering if you’re living your best life or just existing on autopilot. Then you shrug, make some coffee, and scroll through memes to numb the existential dread. Classic.
8. Hobbies: Passion Projects or Just Expensive Regrets?
Adulthood hobbies are fascinating. Some people genuinely discover new passions, like pottery or bread-making. Others spend $200 on knitting supplies, knit half a scarf, then abandon it for six months because, well, Netflix.
We romanticize being “multifaceted adults,” but most of us just want to lie down after work. And honestly? That’s valid.
9. The Myth of "Having It All Together"
When you’re young, you assume adults have their lives figured out. Then you become an adult and realize everyone is winging it. Your parents? Winging it. Your boss? Winging it. That person on Instagram with the aesthetic apartment and perfect morning routine? Winging it, but with better lighting.
The truth is, adulthood isn’t about having it all together. It’s about pretending convincingly enough that no one notices you’re still Googling “how to do taxes” every April.
10. Redefining Success: Because the Goalposts Keep Moving
Success used to mean big milestones: house, marriage, kids, stable job. Now, success is surviving Monday without crying in the office bathroom.
And honestly? That’s okay. Success looks different for everyone. For some, it’s career achievements. For others, it’s remembering to drink enough water. Celebrate your wins, even if they’re small. Like, "I didn’t hit snooze 12 times" small.
Final Thoughts (Or, The Lack Thereof)
Adulthood today is weird, messy, and often hilarious in a dark, meme-worthy way. It's less about reaching a destination and more about stumbling through, hoping for the best, and occasionally pausing to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
So, if you feel like you're failing at being an adult, don’t worry—you’re not alone. None of us really know what we’re doing. We're all just pretending, fueled by caffeine, existential dread, and the occasional overpriced latte.
And honestly? That's kind of beautiful.