Let’s talk about autism in women—yes, it exists. Shocking, I know. If you’ve spent any time researching autism (or just existing in the world), you might have noticed that the popular image of autism is still that of a young boy obsessed with trains, dinosaurs, or reciting obscure movie facts. And while, yes, those boys absolutely exist, they are not the full story. But, for some reason, the world is still playing catch-up when it comes to recognizing that women and girls can be autistic too. And they’re really, really good at going undiagnosed.
The Diagnostic Bias: “But You Can Make Eye Contact!”
Historically, autism research has been a bit of a boys’ club. Most of the early studies focused on young, white boys, leading to diagnostic criteria that favor how autism presents in them. Women, on the other hand, often exhibit different traits—traits that don’t fit neatly into the male-centric model.
One major issue? Masking. Autistic women are like Oscar-worthy performers, constantly observing, mimicking, and adapting their behavior to fit into neurotypical expectations. Making eye contact even though it burns your soul? Check. Forcing yourself to smile and nod when someone is monologuing about their weekend plans? Absolutely. Autistic women (and AFAB individuals) often develop these social survival skills early on, leading doctors, teachers, and even family members to completely miss the signs.
The Stereotype Problem: “You Seem Normal”
Ah yes, the dreaded phrase: “But you don’t look autistic!” As if autism comes with a very specific uniform. Society has been conditioned to expect autistic people to act a certain way—socially awkward, rigidly structured, visibly different. If a woman manages to blend in (even at great personal cost), her struggles are often dismissed.
Autistic women are also more likely to be labeled with alternative diagnoses—ADHD, anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder—without anyone thinking to check for autism. The reason? The medical community has, for decades, been looking at the wrong checklist.
Special Interests: Not Just for Train Enthusiasts
One of the biggest misconceptions about autism is that all autistic people have stereotypical “weird” interests. You know, like memorizing subway maps or becoming a walking encyclopedia on WWII battles. But autistic women often have deep, passionate interests that seem more “socially acceptable,” which is why they go unnoticed.
A young girl hyperfixated on a book series? A teenage girl obsessed with a particular band to a near-religious degree? A woman who can tell you the entire history of fashion trends over the last 500 years? That’s autism, baby. But because these interests can overlap with typical gender norms, they don’t raise any red flags.
Sensory Overload: More Than Just “Being Sensitive”
Autistic women often experience sensory sensitivities but are told they’re just “too picky” or “dramatic.” The tags on clothes feel like tiny daggers? The sound of fluorescent lights makes you want to scream? The texture of certain foods makes you physically recoil? Well, congratulations—you’re just a quirky, fussy woman!
Instead of recognizing these as legitimate sensory processing issues, society brushes them off as personality traits. Meanwhile, autistic women are out here navigating a world that feels like an assault on their senses, all while being told to just “deal with it.”
Social Exhaustion: The Burnout No One Talks About
Masking doesn’t come for free. Autistic women who spend their entire lives performing neurotypicality eventually hit a wall—sometimes in their teens, sometimes in their thirties or forties. This is often when they start questioning if they might be autistic. They reach a point where maintaining the act is no longer sustainable, leading to extreme exhaustion, anxiety, depression, or full-blown burnout. And the worst part? Many still don’t get a diagnosis because their symptoms are attributed to “stress” or “life changes.”
The Late Diagnosis Phenomenon
Because so many autistic women are overlooked in childhood, many don’t receive a diagnosis until adulthood—if ever. This is a double-edged sword. On one hand, finally understanding your brain can be a huge relief. On the other hand, there’s a lot of grief for the years spent struggling without knowing why. The mental health toll of being undiagnosed, misunderstood, and gaslit by an ableist society is no joke.
What Needs to Change?
Better diagnostic criteria. We need diagnostic tools that account for how autism presents in women. Full stop.
More education. Doctors, educators, and society at large need to drop their outdated stereotypes and actually learn about autism in women.
Less stigma. Getting an autism diagnosis shouldn’t feel like a battle against a system that doesn’t want to believe you.
More representation. The more we see autistic women in media, the harder it will be to pretend they don’t exist.
Final Thoughts
Autistic women exist, they always have, and they’re tired of being ignored. The fact that so many women are still slipping through the cracks isn’t just frustrating—it’s downright infuriating. So the next time someone says, “But you don’t look autistic,” feel free to hit them with a withering stare and direct them to the nearest research article.
The world needs to do better. And autistic women deserve better.
End rant.