Look, I’ll be the first to admit it: I screw up. A lot. I’m a parent, which means that somewhere between negotiating snack treaties and enforcing bedtime martial law, I inevitably fumble. But you know what I do that my parents never did? I apologize. To my children. Yes, you read that correctly. I say, “I’m sorry” to my 7-year-old and my 2-year-old when I’m wrong.
Scandalous, right?
Apparently, to some people, yes. I’ve been met with the wide-eyed horror of older relatives who believe that admitting fault to a child is a one-way ticket to Disrespectville, population: ME. “You can’t let them think they have the upper hand!” they gasp, clutching their pearls (or whatever outdated disciplinary methods they still cherish).
But here’s the thing—I’m not apologizing to grovel. I’m apologizing to teach them something important: respect is a two-way street. And despite what past generations may think, authority doesn’t come from being an infallible dictator. It comes from being a responsible, accountable human being.
My Childhood: The Land Where Apologies Went to Die
Growing up, apologies were about as common in my house as unicorn sightings. If an adult was wrong, well, too bad. Their word was law, and questioning it? Oh, honey, that was a death wish. I was expected to apologize even when I was right—just to keep the peace.
This toxic little cycle led me straight into adulthood with the warped belief that relationships required submission, not mutual respect. And, surprise surprise, I ended up in relationships where I was expected to just “know” when someone was sorry because heaven forbid they actually say it.
Fast forward to now, and I refuse to pass that nonsense onto my kids.
Apologizing to My Kids Doesn’t Mean They Run the Show
Here’s where people get it twisted. Apologizing to my kids doesn’t mean they are suddenly calling the shots, bossing me around, or developing some kind of villain origin story where they overthrow me and rule the house with an iron fist. (Trust me, my 2-year-old already thinks he’s the Supreme Leader. He needs no encouragement.)
When I apologize, I’m modeling the behavior I want to see in them. I’m showing them how to own up to mistakes, how to make amends, and how to move forward without shame. And you know what? It works.
My 7-year-old, for instance, doesn’t just throw out meaningless apologies to get out of trouble. She understands what an apology actually means. She stands her ground when she knows she’s right, and she’s honest when she’s wrong.
One time, she did something that really ticked me off. I told her she owed me an apology, and she looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Actually, Mommy, I don’t have anything to say sorry for because you weren’t listening to me.”
Whew. Let me tell you—seven-year-old confidence is something else. But you know what? She was absolutely right. I had jumped to conclusions and assumed she had done something she didn’t actually do. She calmly explained herself, and I—hold onto your seats—listened. And then I did the unthinkable: I apologized to her.
Shocking Outcome: My House Didn’t Collapse
Here’s a wild concept—adults can be wrong. And when they are, apologizing doesn’t shatter the very foundation of their existence. Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make you weak; it makes you decent. And if we want decent kids, we have to show them what that looks like.
I want my kids to grow up knowing that they are worthy of respect no matter their age. I want my daughter to know that she doesn’t have to stay quiet and compliant just to keep the peace. I want my son to understand that real strength comes from accountability, not stubborn pride.
The Resistance: “Back in MY Day…”
Of course, there are those who insist that today’s parenting is “soft.” Back in their day, kids didn’t get apologies. They got lectures. They got “Because I said so.” They got that terrifying look that could make them rethink every decision they had ever made.
And sure, some of them turned out fine. But let’s be honest—a lot of them also ended up in therapy, unlearning years of toxic family dynamics.
Just because something was done a certain way for generations doesn’t mean it was right. If anything, it means we should reevaluate and do better. The whole point of evolution is improvement, right?
Apologies Are the First Step in Relationship Repair
It doesn’t matter if it’s a marriage, a friendship, a business partnership, or a parent-child relationship—apologies matter. They build trust. They create an environment where people feel safe admitting when they’ve messed up. And for kids? That’s huge.
When my daughter makes a mistake, she tells me. Not because she’s afraid, but because she knows that I’m not going to shame her or dismiss her. And when my son is old enough to have a full-blown conversation instead of just yelling “NO!” at me 47 times a day, I hope he’ll feel the same way.
Parenting Is About More Than Just Authority
I get it—being the adult in charge feels powerful. But parenting isn’t about flexing authority just because you can. It’s about guiding, teaching, and shaping tiny humans into functional adults who don’t need to spend their 20s and 30s undoing childhood damage in therapy.
I don’t expect my kids to blindly respect me just because I’m their mom. I earn their respect by showing them what respect looks like. And if that means apologizing when I’ve been a jerk, so be it.
At the end of the day, my goal isn’t to raise kids who fear me. My goal is to raise kids who respect me—and more importantly, respect themselves.
And if my kids grow up to be adults who hold people accountable, stand up for themselves, and have zero tolerance for those who refuse to take responsibility for their actions?
Then I’ll know I did something right.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my 2-year-old just yelled “NO!” at me for the 48th time today, and I need to go negotiate terms before he declares independence from the household.