Ah, processed meats — the crispy, savory, smoky delights that make your breakfast, lunch, and snack time feel like the high point of your day. Whether it’s the seductive sizzle of bacon, the no-nonsense convenience of hot dogs, or the portable perfection of beef jerky, they have a way of seducing our taste buds while sneakily clogging our arteries.
We all know that these meaty marvels come with health risks. They’ve been villainized by nutritionists, doctors, and those smug people who bring kale chips to potlucks. But what if — just what if — not all processed meats are equally terrible? Could some be, dare we say, less bad? Let’s dig into this meaty mess and find out.
Processed Meats: The Gateway to Chronic Illness
First, let’s address the meat in the room. Processed meats have been scientifically crowned as dietary villains. They’ve been salted, cured, smoked, canned, or fermented into oblivion — and while this wizardry makes them delicious and shelf-stable, it also transforms them into little packages of health hazards.
According to research, consuming just 100 grams a day — that’s roughly four slices of deli meat, three strips of bacon, or one jumbo hot dog — can jack up your risks of:
- Colorectal cancer by 12%. (Yay, carcinogens!)
- Type 2 diabetes by 17%. (Who needs blood sugar anyway?)
- Heart disease by 15%. (Because what’s life without clogged arteries?)
- High blood pressure by 14%. (Salt is basically a spice of death.)
- Stroke by 12%. (Make it dramatic!)
If that list doesn’t make you want to drop your BLT, nothing will. Yet here we are, as a species, collectively scarfing down 187 grams of processed meats a week — almost double what health organizations like the American Heart Association recommend.
Bacon: The Gateway Drug
Let’s start with the king of processed meats: bacon. If bacon were a person, it’d be that charismatic bad boy who turns up in every high school rom-com. It’s terrible for you, but you just can’t quit it.
Bacon is made from pork belly, which is about as fatty as it sounds. It’s cured with salt, which adds enough sodium to make your kidneys wave a white flag. A single slice of raw bacon (28 grams) has:
- Calories: 110
- Fat: 10 grams (mostly the bad kind)
- Protein: 3.8 grams
- Sodium: 210 milligrams
On the upside, bacon is intense. You don’t need much of it to get that salty-sweet umami bomb, which means moderation is technically possible. If you can stick to just one or two slices and not crumble an entire package over your salad, it might be the least evil way to get your processed meat fix.
Hot Dogs: America’s (Un)Official Food
Nothing screams “party” quite like a hot dog. But when it comes to nutrition, they’re less celebratory and more... tragic.
Traditional hot dogs are a finely ground mix of pork and beef, blended with water, spices, and a cocktail of curing agents. The result is a tube of questionable meat that’s disturbingly consistent in flavor and texture. A standard hot dog contains:
- Calories: 150
- Fat: 13.5 grams
- Protein: 5-6 grams
- Sodium: 425 milligrams
If you’re going to indulge, you might as well go big. Opt for 100% beef or poultry hot dogs, which are slightly less sketchy. And maybe skip the jumbo dogs unless you’re also signing up for a heart surgery consultation.
Sausages: Fancy Hot Dogs with a Fancier Price Tag
Sausages are the gourmet cousin of hot dogs. They come in a dizzying array of flavors — Italian, bratwurst, Polish, chorizo — and their fat content can range from “mildly concerning” to “you’re definitely calling 911.”
Chicken and turkey sausages are leaner options if you’re watching your waistline or heart health. For example:
- Breakfast sausage: About 60 calories, 5.5 grams of fat, and 160 milligrams of sodium per link.
- Italian sausage: A whopping 275 calories, 23 grams of fat, and 660 milligrams of sodium per link.
Pro tip: One sausage link is plenty. Do you really need four bratwursts to feel satisfied? If yes, you should have a stern conversation with yourself.
Beef Jerky: Snackable Sodium Bomb
Ah, beef jerky, the snack of road trips and hikers who think trail mix is too mainstream. It’s lean, portable, and protein-packed, making it one of the “healthier” processed meat options. But before you crown it king, consider this:
A single ounce of beef jerky has:
- Calories: 115
- Protein: 9.5 grams
- Fat: 7 grams
- Sodium: 500 milligrams (!!!)
The real danger here isn’t the fat or calories; it’s the salt. If you’re eating beef jerky like potato chips, your blood pressure is probably plotting revenge.
Deli Meats: The Wild Card
Deli meats are the Swiss Army knife of processed meats — they can be lean and innocent or fatty sodium bombs. For example:
- Low-sodium turkey breast: 60 calories, 12 grams of protein, less than 1 gram of fat, and 432 milligrams of sodium per serving.
- Pastrami: 80 calories, 3 grams of fat, and 600 milligrams of sodium per serving.
For the love of your arteries, go for freshly sliced turkey, chicken, or roast beef. And if you’re eating salami on the regular, maybe reevaluate some life choices.
Are Any Processed Meats Actually “Better”?
Let’s be real: “better” is a low bar here. All processed meats have a dark side, but if you’re determined to eat them, here are some rules:
- Stick to leaner options: Turkey or chicken sausages and low-sodium deli meats are less fatty alternatives.
- Pay attention to portions: You don’t need four slices of bacon to feel joy. One will do. Maybe.
- Read the labels: Look for nitrate-free, uncured, and lower-sodium varieties. You might still feel guilty, but at least your sodium levels won’t skyrocket.
- Balance your plate: Pair processed meats with fiber-rich foods to offset some of the damage. Think whole-grain bread, veggies, or fruit. (Yes, a BLT counts if the “L” and “T” are plentiful.)
The Bottom Line
Processed meats are like that one friend who’s super fun at parties but a total mess in real life. They’re great in small doses, but hang out with them too often, and you’re asking for trouble.
So are some processed meats better than others? Sure. But that’s like saying falling down a flight of stairs is better than getting hit by a car. You’ll still end up bruised, and your doctor will definitely have some questions. Eat them sparingly, enjoy them responsibly, and remember: No one’s forcing you to eat a hot dog. Probably.
In Her Garden Winter 2025