Ah, Black Friday. The annual tradition where corporations pretend they’re slashing prices out of the goodness of their hearts, and we all pretend we need another Instant Pot. Amazon’s Black Friday sale is, as always, the star of the show—because nothing says “holiday spirit” like panic-buying a robot vacuum at 3 a.m. while your turkey leftovers congeal in the fridge.
This year, Amazon’s sale claims to offer discounts up to 75% off. Sounds enticing, doesn’t it? But don’t be fooled: not every deal is created equal. Let’s cut through the noise and get to the good stuff, because your time is too valuable to waste on meh markdowns.
Apple AirPods Pro: The “Why Can’t I Hear My Kids” Special
Was $249, now $154
Ah, the AirPods Pro—aka the "Shut Out the World While Listening to True Crime Podcasts" device. At $154, they’re at their lowest price ever, and honestly, they’re worth it just for the noise-cancellation feature alone. Whether you’re drowning out the office holiday playlist or your neighbor’s leaf blower, these are a no-brainer. Plus, they now have a USB-C port, so you can finally stop asking yourself why Apple hates consistency.
Verdict: Worth it. The silence is priceless.
Bissell Little Green Cleaner: TikTok’s Darling
Was $124, now $81
TikTok swears by this little guy, and who are we to argue with a platform that made feta pasta a thing? If you’ve got carpets, couches, or car seats that have suffered the wrath of toddlers or pets, the Little Green Cleaner is basically your redemption arc. And at under $100, it’s almost cheap enough to justify all the cat puke it’ll save you from scrubbing by hand.
Verdict: Essential if you own children, pets, or bad life decisions.
KitchenAid Stand Mixer: For the Person Who Thinks They’ll Bake Bread This Winter
Was $330, now $250
Let’s be real: half of you are buying this mixer for aesthetic purposes. It’ll look stunning on your countertop, even if the most action it sees is the occasional cookie dough binge. For the dedicated bakers, this is a stellar deal on a cult-favorite product. But if you’re just here for the vibes, maybe spend that $250 on actual baked goods instead.
Verdict: Buy it if you bake. Or if you’ve always wanted to pretend you do.
Lego Disney Advent Calendar: Because Kids Still Love Plastic
Was $45, now $20
Is this the lowest price ever for this advent calendar? Yes. Is it worth it to see your kids tear open a tiny box each day for a micro Lego they’ll step on five minutes later? Also yes. You get 25 days of Disney magic for $20, which is cheaper than taking your kids to a single Pixar movie.
Verdict: Buy it. Your kids will love it, and you’ll love not taking them to the mall.
Solo Stove Mesa XL: Smores Without the Smoke
Was $100, now $70
Because nothing screams “I survived 2024” quite like a chic little fire pit. The Solo Stove Mesa XL is great for roasting marshmallows, staying warm, and flexing on your Instagram followers about your superior outdoor setup. Sure, it’s portable, but let’s not kid ourselves—you’ll probably use it twice before relegating it to the garage.
Verdict: A solid buy if your backyard aesthetic needs a boost.
Peloton Bike: The Aspirational Dust Collector
Was $1,445, now $1,295
Look, we all know how this ends. You’ll use it religiously for a month, then “accidentally” forget to renew your Peloton subscription and let the bike gather dust while you convince yourself you’ll start again next Monday. But hey, at least it’s $150 off, right?
Verdict: Skip it unless you’re actually committed to pretending you enjoy exercise.
Samsung 43-Inch Neo QLED TV: For People Who Still Watch Cable
Was $1,198, now $848
QLED! HDR! 4K! Words! If you’re in the market for a TV that makes your old one look like it’s from the Stone Age, this Samsung model is a decent pick. Just make sure you’re buying it for the stunning picture quality and not because you want to use it as a glorified Netflix portal.
Verdict: Good deal if you actually care about picture quality. Otherwise, meh.
Beckham Hotel Collection Pillows: Because Your Current Pillows Are Sad
Was $80, now $38
These cooling gel pillows are an Amazon favorite and come with the promise of better sleep—because apparently, the only thing standing between you and REM bliss is your lumpy, deflated old pillow. At less than $20 per pillow, this is a small price to pay for pretending you’re in a fancy hotel.
Verdict: A smart upgrade for anyone tired of waking up with a sore neck.
Apple iPad (10th Generation): The Goldilocks of Tablets
Was $349, now $250
Is it a laptop? No. Is it a phone? Also no. It’s an iPad, which is perfect for scrolling through Instagram, pretending to be productive, or letting your kids play Roblox in the backseat. At $250, it’s an all-time low price, making it an easy buy for anyone looking to upgrade their screen game.
Verdict: Perfect for people who want to do everything except work on a laptop.
Henckels Knife Set: Because Your Dull Knives Are a Hazard
Was $345, now $118
No one needs a 15-piece knife set, but that’s not the point. This is about dominance in the kitchen. It’s about cutting tomatoes without squishing them. It’s about looking like you know what “julienne” means. And at $118, this is the cheapest way to live your MasterChef fantasy without setting your wallet on fire.
Verdict: Buy it. Your onions deserve to be diced, not mutilated.
Waterpik Aquarius Flosser: The Dental Flex
Was $100, now $50
Flossing with string is so 2010. The Waterpik is here to remind you that oral hygiene can be fun (or at least marginally less annoying). And if you buy it now, you can make it your resolution to actually use it in 2025.
Verdict: Essential for anyone who wants cleaner teeth without the guilt trips from their dentist.
Rubbermaid Brilliance Food Storage Containers: Because Chaos Isn’t a System
Was $32, now $26
Raise your hand if your Tupperware drawer is a nightmare. These Rubbermaid containers are here to rescue you from mismatched lids and spaghetti-stained plastics. Plus, they’re on sale, which means you have no excuse not to finally get your leftovers in order.
Verdict: Not glamorous, but absolutely worth it.
Final Thoughts: The Deals That Deserve Your Click
Black Friday on Amazon is a circus of discounts, but not every sale is a steal. Stick to the deals that offer genuine value—things you’ll actually use and not just shove in a closet next to your yoga mat. And remember: saving money isn’t really saving if you didn’t need the thing in the first place.
Happy shopping, and may your cart be full of things you won’t regret by January.
