So, you’ve decided maybe you could tone down the boozing a bit. Maybe it’s the endless hangovers or the “Oh God, did I actually say that?” moments. Whatever it is, cutting back on alcohol isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially when there’s always some reason to justify another drink. But fear not, brave soul. Here’s a snarky, no-nonsense guide to cutting back—because who needs subtlety when it comes to reining in your wine habit?
1. Set Goals... Like an Adult
"Drinking less" is nice and vague, but it's not going to do the trick. Just like anything in life that requires actual effort (ugh), you need to set goals. Not just “I’ll only drink on weekends,” because we all know the concept of “the weekend” is pretty fluid these days.
Set specific limits. Try something like, “I’ll only have a glass of wine on Saturday while binge-watching Netflix and not during my Tuesday Zoom call with ‘the team.’” Give it some structure—be precise, so you can track it and feel accomplished when you nail it. And when you inevitably don’t nail it, you’ll know exactly where things went off the rails. That’s called “progress.”
2. Avoid Your Triggers... Yes, All of Them
Does seeing your neighbor take out their recycling remind you to pour a glass? Can’t resist a cold one every time someone uses the word “synergy” on a conference call? Know your triggers, and avoid them. If the sight of a gin and tonic makes you instantly question life choices, maybe don’t meet friends at that fancy cocktail bar, genius.
Maybe it’s time to start avoiding the same places that make it hard to say no to a drink. Your favorite brewery? Nope. That one wine bar where they already know your name and order? Absolutely not. It’s time to find new haunts that don’t have bartenders waving to you like an old friend.
3. Substitute with ‘Mocktails’ (Just Go With It)
So, you’ve heard about mocktails. They’re like cocktails but, you know, without all the “fun.” You can load them with lime, mint, club soda, and various syrups to give you that experience of drinking without the actual booze. Yes, I know it feels a bit like being back in high school, clutching a Solo cup of Sprite and pretending it’s more exciting than it is.
It may not feel “grown-up,” but neither does missing brunch because of your latest bender. And here’s the thing: if you lean into it, mocktails can actually be enjoyable. Plus, if you’re holding a fancy glass, people might not even notice you’re not drinking, and you won’t have to answer the dreaded “Why aren’t you drinking?” with a tired “I’m just, you know, trying to be healthier” spiel.
4. Count Your Drinks (Yes, Actually Count)
Here's a shocker: keeping track of how many drinks you’ve had is harder than it sounds, especially after drink three, which somehow keeps morphing into drink eight. One trick is to use a tracking app or, if you’re old-school, jot down each drink in a notebook. That way, you’ll realize, oh wow, last Friday’s “few drinks” was actually “more like a small party.”
And guess what? Apps like these even congratulate you when you’re doing well (who doesn’t love a little pat on the back from an algorithm?). Seeing a visual reminder that you’ve gone three days without a drink can be oddly satisfying, even if you still have to fake enthusiasm when your app says, “Great job! Two days without a cocktail!”
5. Build a Non-Alcoholic Social Life (Wild, I Know)
Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to have fun without booze. Shocking, right? (Honestly, no one’s more surprised than us.) But here’s the kicker: when you’re sober, you can actually do things that require a brain and functioning motor skills.
Try activities that don’t necessarily go with alcohol. Go bowling, get really into axe throwing (but maybe not if the temptation for a beer is strong), or—hear me out—host a game night where everyone is hyper-aware of every bad move they make. You might even find yourself thinking, Wow, I can actually remember everything from last night! which, admittedly, is a strange experience but potentially worth the trade-off.
6. Deal with Stress (No, Really)
If you’re drinking every time you’re stressed, then you’re probably always drinking. But it turns out there are other ways to deal with life’s pressures. Imagine that. Some people, apparently, take up “healthy” ways to manage stress. (Rolls eyes.)
Try something crazy like deep breathing or meditation. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: That sounds ridiculous, and maybe it is. But if you’ve ever found yourself six margaritas deep because Karen from accounting is driving you up a wall, maybe it’s worth a shot. Other options: exercise (like walking, not running a marathon or anything crazy), journaling (because talking about our feelings is, in fact, optional), or picking up a hobby that doesn’t end with “in a wine glass.”
7. Set Boundaries with Friends and Family (Prepare for the Shocked Faces)
Ah, friends and family. The well-intentioned enablers who never miss a chance to make your sobriety sound like a personal affront. Look, if your friends and family are really your friends and family, they won’t mind if you say, “Hey, tonight, I’m skipping the booze.” Will they give you that look and say, “But just one?” Absolutely.
Set boundaries. Decide when and where you’re okay with people pressuring you, and stick to your guns. Let people know you’re trying to drink less, and if they really have an issue, well, maybe they can take it up with someone who cares. Spoiler alert: that person is not you. Pro tip: use statements like, “I’m taking a break for my health,” which sounds a bit more official and gives people less room to argue than “I’m trying to drink less because, you know…life.”
8. Reward Yourself (Just Not with More Alcohol)
We, as humans, are motivated by rewards, so treat yourself for staying strong. You know that money you would’ve dropped at happy hour? Throw it at something actually fun (or at least useful). Like a massage, a pair of ridiculous shoes, or maybe a gadget you absolutely don’t need but just want.
It doesn’t have to be huge. Even something small can feel like a celebration when you’ve managed to say no to your usual glass of vino. When you reward yourself with something unrelated to alcohol, you’re creating a new association. So maybe next time, instead of thinking “I’ve had a hard day; I deserve a drink,” you’ll think, “I’ve had a hard day; I deserve that new $15 coffee from that trendy café.”
The Takeaway: Because Sometimes Cutting Back Is as Hard as a Full Detox
Cutting back on alcohol is no small feat, especially when the world keeps giving us reasons to “treat ourselves” with another drink. But by setting clear goals, avoiding those annoying triggers, and being a tad dramatic with your rewards, you might actually start drinking less without feeling like you’re losing a limb. And hey, if all else fails, you can always join a book club or something—because nothing says “I’m over drinking” like getting emotionally invested in some fictional family drama.