Hey there, polite pals! Let's talk about something we all think we know well—saying "please." We’ve been taught from a young age to sprinkle our requests with this magic word. But, how often are we actually using it? A new study from UCLA reveals that "please" isn't as common in our conversations as we might think. So, grab a seat and let's dive into the fascinating world of manners and the surprising findings about our use of "please."
The Study: Breaking Down the Numbers
In this recent study, researchers at UCLA recorded 17 hours of video capturing interactions of over 1,000 participants in various settings—family meals, board games, salon visits, and retail stores. Their findings were quite eye-opening: "please" was used in only 7% of all requests.
Men vs. Women: The Great Politeness Debate
You might expect that women say "please" more frequently than men. However, the study found that men and women use "please" almost equally, with men using it in 6% of requests and women in 7%. Interestingly, people of all genders were more likely to use "please" when asking men for something. But overall, across different demographics, the word was surprisingly scarce.
Kids and Manners: Are They Really That Different?
Now, let’s talk about the kids. The study showed that children were just as likely to use "please" as adults. Kids said "please" in 10% of their requests to adults, while adults used it in 8% of requests to children and 6% when asking other adults. So, it seems the younger generation isn’t the only one forgetting their manners.
The True Intentions Behind "Please"
Here’s where things get really interesting. The study revealed that "please" is just as likely to be used for pressure as for politeness. In about half the instances, "please" was used to overcome resistance. For example, a daughter might say, "Please buy me a dress," after her mother already said no. This shows how "please" can be more about pushing for compliance than being courteous.
The Psychological Angle
Vanessa Bohns, a professor of social psychology at Cornell University, explains that using "please" can sometimes be a subtle reminder to the other person about politeness norms, essentially saying, "Remember your manners." It highlights how our discomfort with saying no can make us use "please" as a strategic tool.
Is Saying "Please" Always Polite?
While "please" is traditionally seen as polite, the study suggests it’s often used strategically rather than out of genuine courtesy. It indicates that a strict code of manners—always saying "please" and "thank you"—might not always lead to the most genuinely polite behavior.
A New Approach to Politeness
Andrew Chalfoun, co-author of the study, suggests that instead of rigidly adhering to these politeness rules, we should focus on broader principles like patience and mindfulness. Encouraging kids (and adults) to be considerate and wait their turn might be more effective than insisting they always say "please."
Final Thoughts
So, what do these findings mean for us? It’s a reminder that while "please" is a valuable part of our politeness toolkit, it’s not the only indicator of good manners. True politeness is about being considerate and understanding the context of our requests. Next time you ask for something, think about whether you're using "please" out of habit, pressure, or genuine courtesy.
That’s all for now, folks! Remember, politeness isn't just about words—it's about actions and intentions. Let’s strive to be genuinely considerate in our interactions, whether or not "please" is part of the equation.
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Feel free to leave a comment below and share your thoughts on the use of "please." How often do you use it, and do you think it makes a difference in how your requests are received? Let’s get the conversation going!
7 Comments
Username: PolitePanda
Comment: I always make sure to say "please" and "thank you." It's something my parents drilled into me, and I think it makes a difference!
Username: MannersMatter
Comment: Interesting findings! I never thought about "please" being used for pressure. Makes sense though!
Username: BusyBee123
Comment: I use "please" all the time, especially at work. It helps soften the request.
That’s it for now, folks. Keep being kind and considerate, and remember: true politeness comes from the heart, not just the words we use!
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